Tuesday, June 15, 2010

What's next, Kotex dresses?

Is there any item of clothing more unfortunately named than the maxi dress?

I know a lot of people really disagree with me on this point, but maxi dresses are a maxi mistake. First of all, it's named after unfortunate feminine hygiene item. In fact, I think I might be able to stomach the whole concept of the long summer dress if it was called, like, a beach dress or a fun times dress or  magic happy dress. I'm not completely opposed to long dresses, after all, and their ubiquity might eventually convince me (despite all other red flags) that they're cool and casual and will make me more awesome. But the name is really only one of the major problems I have.

Another difficulty I have with maxi dresses is the length. To look decent, the hem has to fall PERFECTLY at the ground. Too high, it floats awkwardly around your ankles. Too long, and you're swimming and tripping. I remember when they were cropping up everywhere a few years ago, and being petite every single one I held up to myself had about nine feet of extra fabric dragging along the ground. Hemming is an option, sure, but I wasn't inclined to make the effort for a trend-based item I might not end up liking by the end of the summer.

Third, they really only look good on models. Any other body type need not apply. Models look chic and statuesque in maxi dresses. Everyone else looks sloppy and stumpy and like they didn't change on the way home from the beach.

Maybe I just have a short person complex about not wanting to feel dwarfed by my clothing. It's so hard for me to find dresses that hit at a good length and don't make me look even shorter, so having a skirt that goes all the way to my feet causes an instinctual negative reaction in my fashion receptors. So if any of you out there have a good maxi dress experience, I'd like to know about it. But please, if you're thinking about buying one, consider it carefully please. Easy and trendy does NOT always equal flattering.

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